I can't take this shit anymore. I've been playing online RPGs with this guy for three years now and yet, somehow, EVERY CHARACTER HE EVER MAKES IS ATROCIOUS. There's bad characters, like obvious fetishes. Khaoskid's characters are something different. They are inspired in their awfulness. Let me go over some of my least favorites with you.

Sans Undertale

• System: D&D 3.5e

• My status: DM

Sans Undertale was a Bone Creature template Dwarf. His class was Truenamer. For those of you who do not know, Truenamer is the worst class Wizards of the Coast put to paper. Rules as written, it doesn't work. The difficulty of use for their truenaming powers grow exponentially as they level. Sans was optimized to heck and back in order to be even slightly useful. Outside of his ridiculous character name & art, he was actually a useful member of the party. I am simply amazed that this man played as a solo-classed truenamer for multiple years over the course of a level 1-20 D&D 3.5e campaign, and survived. Also he carried around a body pillow of Shinji's Right Hand everywhere he went.

Kasan Eteto

• System: D&D 3.5e

• My status: Player

Kasan Eteto was a succubus, using the Savage Species monster class. She had taken the Vow of Nonviolence and the Vow of Peace feats. This means she was forbidden from fighting any living creatures. She was an extremely talented diplomat, at least. She also went into Apostle of Peace once she finished Succubus' progression. Like Sans, she wasn't so much disruptive as she was shocking. Using Savage Species is insane. Using Apostle of Peace is insane. Combining the two is even more insane. In a strange act of self-awareness, Khaoskid realized he hates playing female characters and had Kasan kill herself. This is the only time he's ever played a female character. Her art has been lost to time, but she was literally just Kasane Teto.

The Mathemagician

• System: GURPS 4e

• My status: Player

The game was a light-hearted fantasy game. When we got into our first fight, the Mathemagician cast his first spell: Math Beam. We all asked him how it worked. He told us how much damage it did, and said "math." It wasn't terribly strong so we shrugged it off. Until he told the GM that he was casting it again, on the same turn. Then again. Then again. It turns out, he took Lightning Calculator, a trait that lets your character perform math instantly. Since Math Beam is cast by solving an equation, he could cast an infinite number of Math Beams per turn. The GM ended the game after that first fight.

John Matrix

• System: GURPS 4e

• My status: Player

The game was a Jojo's Bizzare Adventure game. John Matrix was a high school IT guy who thought he was a hacker. He had a Wildcard skill called "The Matrix" that could do anything. Literally any roll the GM asked for, he would simply use The Matrix in place of the normal skill. His stand was "Fear of the Dark." It was the creature from the album's cover, and it was extremely physically powerful. It also projected an aura of darkness that no light or sight could penetrate, not even John Matrix. It was also an independent stand, and evil. He could not de-manifest it. Against all odds, he made it to the end of the game. Khaoskid then warned me that if I ever ran Mage: the Ascension, he would play John Matrix as a Virtual Adept.

Jimmy Hoboken

• System: GURPS 4e

• My status: Player

The game was a Zoolander X JJBA game. All of our characters had to be male models. Jimmy Hoboken was a body positivity model. He was fat, r-slurred, and useless. His stand was Fat, which could eat any material and did a ton of damage with its bite. It ended up being very useful, as it could eat holes through walls and ruin the GM's dungeon designs. He ended up growing 30 feet tall and turning into a woman after playing a cursed game show. He died after rolling a nat 1 on the Die of Fate.

John & Monkey

• System: GURPS 4e, Call of Cthulhu 7e

• My status: GM

The game was initially titled "Black Friday Shopper Simulator 2021," and was in GURPS. The party's goal was to get the last Game Bronus at their local shopping mall, and to kill anyone who got in their way. Eventually, the game morphed into a Call of Cthulhu 7e game where the party were special agents for the United States Department of Unusual Incidents, and were stealing anomalies from the SCP Foundation. John is just an ordinary guy who is really, really good at biking. He knew special moves like "Bike Jump" and "Bike Spin." His skills impressed Jeff Bezos, who hired him to babysit his pet monkey, Monkey. Monkey is incredibly rich and has a smart phone. Somehow, the two are an effective duo, are still alive, and haven't driven me to end the campaign. Like Sans and Kasan, they are insane character ideas, but surprisingly functional.

Scholar

• System: D&D 3.5e

• My status: DM

The game is set in the Eberron setting. Scholar is a warforged artificer. He's mostly functional, but has made some deranged magical items. Most notable is his Wand of Locate Bars. It does exactly that: magically locate nearby stores that serve alcohol. Also he's useless during fights, as his signature move is to use a Scroll of Tree Form to turn himself into a tree for an hour. Mercifully, last April Fool's Day, I let all of my players draw from the Deck of Many Things. Scholar drew "Donjon" and was sent to the Lair of the Keeper.

Thrikeepagh Dhakaan

• System: D&D 3.5e

• My status: DM

To replace Scholar, Khaoskid made Geldrin d'Kundarak. Geldrin is actually a good character. His cohort, Thrikeepagh, is not. Thrikeepagh is a blue (psychic goblin subrace) weretoad. He has no class. Every time he levels up, he takes another toad hit die. Toads fricking suck. They have no attacks. Their movement speed is 5 feet. In order to move faster, Thrikeepagh took the Speed of Thought feat, which increases your movement speed by 10 feet if you are psychic. This is why he's a blue. He has no combat ability, and his only support traits are being able to turn into a toad. At the very least, he's relatively tough since werecreatures resist damage from non-silver weapons.

Gary Ryals

• System: Motholam

• My status: Player

Motholam is an AD&D retroclone. Gary Ryals was a fighter who refused to use weapons, and fought with his bare hands. Motholam has no martial arts system, so he sucked. While we were exploring the swamp, Gary picked a fight with a friendly giant toad. It swallowed him whole then swam away.

Utyronimar

• System: Motholam

• My status: Player

My character in the Motholam game we were in was Utumar the Somniferous, a wizard.

Khaoskid thought Utumar was really cool, so after Gary died, he made his new character Utyronimar.

Tavish McBane

• System: Vampire: the Masquerade, 20th Anniversary Edition

• My status: Player

Tavish' clan was McBane and his Generation was 1st. He was not a vampire. He was a 1st generation Scottish immigrant. He did not use any supernatural powers. He just cut vampires limbs' off with a claymore. Khaoskid would constantly speak in a shitty Scottish accent and pretend to be drunk, and would constantly pick fights with the other players and random bums on the street. The campaign ended when the party broke into the local Tremere's chantry. We had a few newbies playing with us. The newbies thought they were badasses and died horribly. Tavish and my character survived. The newbies quit the game, and the GM didn't feel like running for two insane people.

Yukio Noguchi

• System: Vampire: the Masquerade, 20th Anniversary Edition

• My status: Storyteller

When Khaoskid proposed playing as a Kuei-jin in a V20 game, I knew it was a bad idea. I didn't realize just how bad it was. Yukio Noguchi was a Devil Tiger, meaning his dharma required him to make people suffer. He was an expert martial artist, so he would just pick fist fights with people, beat them up, then torture them. He was also an overweight Japanese salaryman. I ended the game after zero (0) of my players came up with even slightly reasonable characters.

Nikolas Heidinger

• System: Vampire: the Masquerade, 20th Anniversary Edition

• My status: Storyteller

The follow-up game to the game with Yukio Noguchi, I instructed my players this time to come up with reasonable characters. Nikolas is so, so close to being one. He's a 10th-generation Tremere. He's loyal to the Pyramid. He doesn't breach the Masquerade. So what's the problem? He has dementia. The Tremere found him too late, and Embraced him while he was in his nineties. Now, he can learn Thaumaturgy, but still forgets his name. He is perhaps the most destructive character Khaoskid has ever played, because he's the most subtle. He's not literally Sans, nor does he run around with a claymore in the streets of Chicago, but he's still terrible. Like a real demented old man, he wanders away from the coterie while they're preoccupied with something. Whenever he gets a chance to talk, he rambles for minutes, if not hours. If this character was my first experience with khaoskid, I would fully believe he is a demented old man in real life too. His ability to waste time is unreal, and can only be truly understood if experienced first-hand.

!enemiesofkhaoskid This is why I hate him. He sucks so much.

My name @sneedman, but I have also existed within the dramaverse as @acebarbieboy. I'd like to come clean today, explain how I utterly fricked up my life, and give a cautionary tale to any even vaguely thinking of walking in my footsteps. My life is so destroyed at this point that the only solution is suicide.

THE GENESIS OF A DREAMER

As a child, I've always loved literature and reading. It's something that hasn't changed much, and I still voraciously read. When it was time for me to enter university, I did what everyone told me the smart choice was - study computer science. But I was also studying English at the time and I loved it.

I ended up majoring in English and dropping computer science. I didn't know it then, but this was the beginning of the end. I studied with passion, and had my postgraduate studies funded through scholarships. After getting my Masters, I started my PhD.

It was at this point that I paid attention to the fact that I'd need a job afterwards. No problem, I'll just become a lecturer! So the job applications began :)

MENTAL ILLNESS

I should reveal at this point that I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. I've been on and off antidepressants and I've got fricking degenerate self-harming coping methods. They come and go, and during the worst times, I can get very absurd ideas about life and reality.

Sometime in 2022, I had one of those moments. In response, I cut off all contact with everyone I knew online, moved cities in real life, and resigned myself to a life of complete isolation. I was not done with my Ph.D. yet, but I was in my final year (I thought), and I no longer needed to be at the university in person. I had a job too. It didn't pay much, but it was enough for me to support myself.

The plan? Save up money for about a decade, then retreat to a life of isolation in the woods after establishing a homestead that is fully self-sufficient.

ASEXUALITY AND INCELDOM

I am very ugly, extremely dark, short (5 foot 2), and socially awkward. During my time studying English, I learned about gender theory, feminism, and queer theory. It was wonderful to learn about asexuality. The label fit me perfectly, and for years I wore it without question.

It was only this year, after some distance from university, that I discovered the bitter truth - I am not asexual. I am a very lonely incel. Unfortunately, there is no escape from inceldom from this position. No woman in the universe wants anything to do with a 5'2 mentally ill poor black man.

AFTER DISASTER

After my "live in the woods" delusions wore off, I realised I'm looking at a life of the following: no wife, no children, no family, no love, no intimacy. The darn asexuality meme snatched my 20s away from me. I also have no friends and I live in a city where I know nobody. This is what I wanted, right?

PLEASE DO NOT STUDY ENGLISH

Here's the thing - lecturer jobs don't exist anymore. Less than 10% of PhDs will get academic positions, and the rates of tenureship are even lower. Even if you're a stellar student, the odds of you actually making it into academia are so low, you might as well aspire to be a celebrity. If you have mental illness, are a brainlet, are incapable of networking, then you're REKT.

During my year of insanity, I produced no academic articles. I also fricked off my supervisor and made no contact to build any academic relationships. The result? Countless job applications to academics positions to no avail. To be clear, the jobs themselves do not exist, and when they do exist, I am facing competition as stiff as a boner.

Here's the zinger - my fricking PhD thesis got rejected and now I have to spend an additional year on it. Of course, I have to pay for this additional year because I no longer have funding so now I am paying for a qualification I know will not serve me at all.

WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU STUDY ENGLISH

You will not become a lecturer. You will not become a famous writer.

You will be pushed to your limits emotionally to earn a useless qualification. If anything happens to you during your post-graduate year - let's say a family member dies, you fall ill - it's over. You'll fall behind in publications and YOU'LL NEVER CATCH UP.

You will be exposed to ideologies that will turn you into a firehouse of "social justice" and you will alienate people in your life with your self-righteousness. It will warp your self-identity, and you will struggle to develop normal relationships with women. You will be forced to write and say deeply racist things.

You will be poor. You will be depressed. You will regret it severely. Nobody gives a shit about your English PhD. You offer no value to the world.

I fricked up so badly. I was literally studying computer science. Had just one fricking year left. And I decided to switch to English. Now I'm a poor, lonely, shameful incel with no hope in life or reason to live. I'm so ashamed of the squandered opportunities I had, the sacrifices my parents made just for me to become absolutely nothing in this world. I can't show my face and I know what the next step is. I'm afraid of it - nothingness is so horrible - it but I can't bear life any longer either.

It's beyond over. The only choice now is whether to pick the rope or overdosing via trepeline.

Duncan 26, San Antonio TX

$57'303 total debt

$880 minimum monthly payments, 41% of his current income

At least $400 interest accruing each month ignoring student loans and stuff in collections

First truly mentally ill person on the show, he weirds me out a little but I might be just paranoid. I don't trust people who cry on camera. I've timestamped some of the oddness, not in chronological order

Self-rated 3/10 financially

Has been watching Caleb for "a couple months" hasn't started budgeting

• cries from stress of his situation? Tries to explain his failures in past attempts to budget timestamp

Diagnosed with "Bipolar II Disorder" plus some backstory, only recently got meds

• timestamp

Career:

• Delivery for Tiff's Treats and somtimes on-duty manager on weekends, does Grubhub/Doordash on the side

• "I got deactivated from Grubhub for some reason" timestamp

• Drives company car so his gas payments aren't bad

• Currently making $23 an hour and $18 as the stand-in manager

• hours cut, losing insurance in July (sales down year after year)

• nervous laughter here timestamp

• financially struggling

• only 6 stores in his district

Personal Life:

• Lost his last credt for film grad because Covid and classes/grades fell apart afterwards near beginning of covid?

• timestamp

• Was taking classes last semester? timestamp

• Not this semester though so Student Loans are active now

• Sudden jump from verge of tears to recitation of the canned youtube comment line about finance needing to be taught in high school timestamp

• "I think that's a big detriment to the American education system, nobody gets taught finances, ever"

• Wants to go back to school for a business degree but can't because of his current situation

Savings/Expenses:

• Nothing in retirement

• USAA checking

• Monthly balance $225 -> 281

• Spent money on Uber Eats, overly self-deprecating statement to dodge timestamp

• Same dodge trips to coffee shop/donuts/general eating out timestamp

• Shared checking with him and his girlfriend

• Pays to do gig work? Not sure if I understood that right

• $766 last month just on fast food/eating out (36% of income)

• Swipe savings

• $7 -> $161.85

• $224 car insurance payment since he got into an accident uninsured

Debt:

• Says he has a terrible credit score (551)

• Was at 630 3 months ago

• Found a credit repair company he's been thinking of reaching out to

• Student loans (paying interest only) Variable Interest Rates

• $13'316 14% interest

• 10% interest

• 10% interest

• Car Max Loan

• $16'584 remaining, 421 minimum monthly payment (he's got another 400 past due with a 21 late fee)

• 10.45 interest rate

• "All three of the credit cards I emailed you are in collections" timestamp

• USAA credit card

• Some old Visa

• Coles Card

• Owes $63.23 on "Afterpay"

• Also on Paypal, Affirm and Klarna "I made a series of really really bad decisions"

  • Affirm is 1k

• "And it's just this stupid stupid anxiety of not knowing what I'm gonna have left" timestamp

• Personal Loan

• took it out a year ago because he was "freaking out about money" at the time

• 1'400 balance

• Personal Loan

• $986 "one of those finance app where you pay a certain amount and you get the rest of the loan back"

• Not paying this one?

• Owes Grandpa $4'500

• "terrible situation"

• First car he bought died, grandpa co-signed for a new car

  • got t-boned and did not have insurance

• Has had 2 cars get totaled while on job?

• $10 monthly payments, it's informal