I (M35) am married to (F34). I also have a friend (M36) who we'll call Mark, and he is soon-to-be-unmarried to his wife (F34).

The reason why Mark and his wife are divorcing is because (according to Mark) she has let herself go. He has said she has gained a lot of weight (I have noticed that, but like I didn't really care), she stopped going to the gym, starting smoking, cut off her hair due to not caring to take care of it anymore, etc. When I told my wife of this, she just made a face and said that it was "trashy" of him to leave his wife in what may be hard times in her life. I understand that, but like, my friend said that he had tried therapy for her, marriage counselling, and antidepressants (she was actually diagnosed depressed) but she didn't really seem to want to help herself.

Honestly, I can get behind that. But my wife's mood always shifts whenever I bring him up now, and doesn't like the fact that I'm helping him through the divorce (it's taking a toll on both of them equally imo).

Been a back and forth type thing for a while, and im coming to this sub to seek judgement on whether i am wrong or not here. AITA?

Your wife is probably worrying about what you're going to do if she "let herself go".

Then maybe she should avoid.....letting herself go..... -517

It's "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health"

Not, as you/Mark/OP seem to think, "until my peepee can't get hard around her anymore."

>until my peepee can't get hard around her anymore

NTA. Here's why. I had been with my boyfriend of almost 15 years. One year into our relationship he had a breakdown and was hospitalized and diagnosed as manic and bipolar. He did take his meds for a while then came off them on his own. He either worked two jobs and I would beg him to spend time with me or he'd play video games for 20 hours a day. We recently broke up because I was tired of being held to a double standard of what he was allowed to do vs why I can't. It is extremely hard dealing with someone who is depressed and will not learn to deal with it. I stayed with him drove hours to hospitals and drs and the one time I needed him to drive me to the ER. I was told well I guess I'll have to take you as you'll never stop bitching about it if I don't. I had pneumonia. You aren't telling your wife you'll leave her if she gains weight. You are telling her if she is unwilling to medically help herself you will not be staying. NTA. But I'm sure I'll get crucified for my response. Try and explain that to her that's it not the letting herself go it's the trying to not be responsible for her health.

Well, in that scenario, the depressed person was male, so that's clearly different. /s

Unfortunately that how things work in this forum.